All real-life identities here have been anonymized using internet handles. My goal is to pressure abusive online leaders into organizational transparency, and until this has been done, to hold Psychedelic Praxis accountable so that it cannot be used as a reputable career or community reference.
Psychedelic Praxis is not a harm reduction community. Behind a front of policy updates and informative articles using drugs, users are encouraged or bullied into risky chemical and sexual practices.
On Psychedelic Praxis, allegations of concerning sexually abusive behavior were covered up. Moreover, the administration team regularly distributed illegal and dangerous research chemicals to vulnerable users, including PCP analogues like 3-MeO-PCP. These were intentionally distributed to individuals in the context of sexual grooming.
I know this because I started Psychedelic Praxis in 2017, eventually ceding control of it to the community due to my poor mental health. I met /r/brainbanged on several occasions, and we took a Zendo training together to volunteer at Catharsis 2018 in Washington D.C. Brainbanged continues to operate in harm reduction communities. I elected her to moderate Praxis based on her outspoken criticism of emotional abuse and sexual harassment. I am writing this because I have seen how she has enabled abuse, despite positioning herself as an ally.
As the lead programmer and artist, I went from excitement and creative inspiration about psychedelic therapies to having daily seizures unable to maintain a job or living situation. I have been disablingly paranoid and suicidal for months, blaming myself for what happened. This was due to the stress and chemical abuse encouraged by gaslighting and misinformation on Praxis — I suffered from C-PTSD since childhood, which causes non-epileptic seizures under stress. I used to wonder if this could be treated with psychedelics, so I started Psychedelic Praxis as a peer-support group and research project.
I am no longer using psychedelics or illegal drugs, nor am I interested. I am henceforth focusing on abuse prevention education and providing progressive therapy modalities through art outreach.
As psychedelic educators and advocates, I believe it is essential that we maintain full transparency with regards to abuse in our community, and that victims are given the opportunity to recover from allegations of abuse. Moreover, we must recognize that sexual consent given in psychedelic communities must be meaningful, informed, and non-coercive. Without these tenets, the psychedelic movement will collapse again and again. Psychedelic abusers must not be forgiven at the expense of their victims, or they will not know to change for the better.
My role in Psychedelic Praxis
What I did to start Psychedelic Praxis:
- Created the reddit and chat server and initially populated them.
- Programmed Sibyl. The vast majority of her code is mine, now maintained as the open-source bot Guardian. I taught /r/brainbanged how to host the bot independently, so she could run it without me.
- Assembled the Psychedelic Praxis library. The library is my pet project, and I have long been the main curator.
- Made all of the emojis, graphics, subreddit design, and layout.
- Made and posted most of the advertisements.
- Additionally, I cofounded the servers Psychonauts and The Psychedelic Experience some years ago, which will be mentioned later.
Brainbanged has also have spread rumors about me, which I will debunk blow.
- That I have taken credit for her work
- That I am “lying about being violent towards [my] family.” This requires some explanation.
False rumor: enkita stole brainbanger’s work
False rumor: enkita is violent and does not account for mistakes
In the fall of 2018 I was staying with my parents. Several Praxis users revealed to me that other moderators had been slandering me in private servers:
In response to this, I explained to brainbanged that this behavior made me paranoid and increased the burden of my mental health. I don’t mind constructive criticism, but lack of transparency makes me paranoid. In respond, brainbanged came home from work, and told me she was doing lines of coke in order to amp up and criticise me. She blamed me for my mental illness and other paranoid symptoms:
This was especially traumatizing. I remember this moment very distinctly, and felt as though there was some massive seizure or psychotic event happening. I had invested a lot into being honest and transparent with her, and here she was blaming me for having been gossipped about.
This predisposed me to massive paranoia, flashbacks, and hallucinations for weeks. A few days after this exchange, I had a seizure/flashback, during which my mother tried to give me a hug during it, because she really likes to hold me when I’m upset. Because I was in the middle of a seizure, I responded fearfully and pushed her. She recovered without injury and my family understands the nature of the situation as a flashback. I do not have a history of violence, as brainbanged implies, and this event was extremely traumatic for me and I reflect on it daily. I think violence and domestic violence is horrible, and should be addressed with transparency and appropriate treatment, which is why I am taking the time to describe this. I would prefer not to discuss my family or trauma further, and am additionally distressed and paranoid and brainbanged spreading rumors about this personally sensitive topic.
False rumor: enkita invented sexual abuse allegations to bolster their reputation
That I lied about sexual abuse allegations. A former administrator of Psychedelic Praxis was alleged to have sexually molested two other users, whom had been given dissociatives. I do not know whether or not these allegations are true, and have never stated otherwise. When I told brainbanged about the allegations, it turned out that she already knew about them, and had discussed these, too, in a private server. The allegations were brought to me as follows:
[screenshots] [WITHHOLD TO PROTECT USER PRIVACY]
In response to coming forth with these allegations, I was banned from the Subjective Effect Index server, an adjacent community that I had contributed writing to. Another user, who also knew about the allegations, was also mysteriously banned. When I asked brainbanged why we had been banned, I was accused of wanting “an insider”:
[screenshots] [WITHHOLD TO PROTECT USER PRIVACY]
Ever since this happened, brainbanged has continued to spread rumors about me which have massively affected my friendships and mental health. I have been homeless for 8 months, living out of my car, because I feel completely gaslighted, paranoid, and unsafe.
Some additional concerns
- Snapchat and hosting of sexual images
- DoseBot logging to an unaccounted source